My Birthday Wish

I normally blog a couple of times a month, and since this one is coming out at the beginning of February, the next one will be right after my birthday, on February 14th (Valentine's Day). Given that I'm a cancer survivor, it seems amazing to me that I'm about to be 77. Many of my relatives did not live to be 77. So, as I have said many times, I am grateful every day.

All my life, I've always been honest about my age: for generations, women were told to never admit to how old they actually were, but that custom mystified me. It seemed to play into the belief that only a young woman had value, and if a woman wasn't what society considered young, then she was expected to lie. But why be ashamed of how old we are? Why lie about it? So, yes, God willing, I'm about to be 77. People tell me I don't look it, and I guess that's a good thing-- although I don't know what a 77 year old is supposed to look like. I just know that's how old I'll be, and yes I understand that in a youth oriented culture, 77 is considered old.

And that is about to become a problem for me. As many of you know, several months ago, I received the disappointing news that 29 of my colleagues, including me, were being laid off: and the median age of those who got that email skewed over 50. Many of us are widely known, have won awards, are names in our field, and our students like us. But on paper, I guess we're considered old, and thus more expensive than younger faculty. And as businesses all over the country seek ways to save money, older personnel are being encouraged to take buyouts or they're being downsized.

So, while I am grateful to be alive, I'm facing the fact that it may be difficult for me to find another job. No, I don't want to retire: I enjoy working, and I can't imagine not doing it. (And I've been told I'm still good at it, so I'd like to continue.) Not only does having a job keep my mind active, but the income lets me pay my share of the bills, and have enough money to donate to the charities I care about. 

But will anyone see what I have to contribute? Will they see all of my accomplishments thus far and think that I still have plenty more to offer? Or will they just see someone who is 77, and figure it's easier, and cheaper, to hire someone younger? No, I'm not trying to overstay my welcome, and I'm not trying to prevent a new generation from having their chance. Ideally, it shouldn't be "us versus them": there ought to be room for both the younger and the older generations, since each has important perspectives, and each has different experiences to share.

And if I have a birthday wish, beyond another year of health, I wish for the opportunity to keep making a difference, the opportunity to be judged not by my chronological age (or the stereotypes about it) but by what I've done already and what I still can do. I truly believe there's more out there for me to accomplish. To be honest, the odds don't seem to be in my favor right now, but I know that things can change. I hope they will. And I hope that soon, my birthday wish will come true.